


Prayer Is A Sign Of Faith, Dean

by coolification



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcoholic Dean, Angst, Based on a Tumblr Post, Canon Compliant, Coda, Dean Prays to Castiel, Episode: s07e17 The Born-Again Identity, Headcanon, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Memory Loss, Purgatory, Season/Series 07, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 08:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3167795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coolification/pseuds/coolification
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes he hears voices. A voice. He doesn't know what to do about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prayer Is A Sign Of Faith, Dean

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lizbobjones](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizbobjones/gifts).



> This is part of a much longer headcanon [on this post on tumblr](http://venusdebotticelli.tumblr.com/post/107911867241/god-i-cant-listen-to-deans-prayer-scenes-after), but I'm only publishing what I wrote myself.  
> I do recommend to go read the rest of it anyway :)

Emmanuel doesn’t tell Daphne about the hallucinations. He’s pretty sure that’s what these are, because this is the third time he’s hearing them. A voice that comes from nowhere but sounds quite distinctly inside his head.

He had been grocery shopping the first time he heard it. Loading the bags on the trunk of his car when the words had started, slurred as if being spoken by a drunken man. 

_"I’m tired of this, y’know that? I’m sick of it. You-you betrayed us, and months later I’m still waking up at night with… those fucking nightmares, man. I just want to stop caring about it. Fuck I want to stop caring about you. Fuck you. Why the hell did you do something like that? I’m still so mad at you, but what makes it worse is that you just walked into… You robbed us the chance to make it right. Fuck you, man. I’m so sick of still thinking about you…"_

Emmanuel doesn’t know what to make of it. He’s frozen on the spot, not so much because of the strangeness of hearing voices, because with his powers weirder things have happened, but mostly because of the pain he could hear in that voice. It sounded like someone drowning their sorrows in alcohol, and he has no idea why his brain received the message.

He’s still concerned about it when a couple of days later it happens again.

_"I guess I drunk dialed you the other day. But it doesn’t really matter, does it? It’s not like you’re out there to hear my pathetic cries. Nah, you just exploded into a mass of black goo, so I can scream as much as I want, it won’t mean squat, I’ll be the only one to hear it. Fuck. You could have the decency to be on the other side of these fucking prayers."_

Emmanuel thinks lots of it doesn’t make sense—black goo?—but the prayers, if that’s indeed what they are, seem deeply personal, not the kind of prayer you direct to a figure of worship. He has no way to investigate more about it, googling “black goo” proves as fruitless as he had expected, and the issue slips to the background of his mind, his attention on more relevant matters. So when weeks later a very brief  _"Fuck, I miss you so much"_  sounds again, he’s taken by surprise, but it’s very easy to forget it again.

Months later a man named Dean shows up at his house. His voice is familiar, but he can’t really place it. Those prayers from months before stir a little in the back of his head, but not enough to consciously remember them. 

A day after he tells Dean  _"I remember everything"._

But it’s not until he is running from the leviathan in a damned land and hears that voice inside his head again that the memories of the prayers from his time as Emmanuel resurface, and he realises that now, truly, he does remember everything.


End file.
